Ego and Mindfulness, by Corrado Pensa

by Buddhism Now

I would like to consider the words of Buddhadhassa Bhikkhu when he said that many people suffer mental disorders, but a much more common disease is a spiritual disease which goes by the name of ‘me’ or ‘mine’. Most of us, it seems, need to work to be healed from this illness.

What is it, then, that we usually refer to in this way? What is it that we call ‘ego’, ‘me’, or ‘mine’? Ego is the totality of what is classically called ‘afflictions’, the afflictions being attachment, aversion, and ignorance; ego is our deep habit for attachment, aversion and ignorance. In other words, ego is being attached to attachment, being attached to aversion, being attached to ignorance. Unless we taste real peace, we tend to be attached to desire. We see desire as having a value in itself, something energetic, as something which can for a while take us from our boredom and depression, etc.

Unless we taste some inner stability which gives us a little more clarity and perspective, we are easily attached to our several forms of aversion. We think we don’t care about the many resentments we have against other people, or against ourselves, and then we go into retreat and start seeing a mass of aversion. The most important thing we begin to see, however, is not the aversion itself, but that we are holding onto it as though it were a treasure and we are afraid of letting this treasure go; we are afraid that if we lose this important thing, if we start letting go of this resentment or aversion, then we shall lose our identity.

Sometimes when we hear the words ‘let go’ we think that means letting go of something fascinating. That is true to a certain extent, but much of what is meant by ‘letting go’ is related to what is painful. Out of a deep habit, we are attached to many forms of aversion, which is to say, we are attached to many forms of suffering, and we hold onto them. We are also attached to ignorance. We may know, for example, that being recollected, being mindful, is a good thing; we know we have never regretted being mindful, and yet we choose to drift along with a total lack of mindfulness. Isn’t that attachment to ignorance? Isn’t that yielding to the momentum of unawareness and to its power and strength?

We tend to conceive of ego, not as a necessary convention, but as a solid entity which is separate, which has an intrinsic existence independent of anything else. We also impute this same solidity and separateness onto everything else, onto people and events. Ego, then, is conceived as something solid, but ego is also the activity of incessantly solidifying events, people, and everything. We could say that ego is a radical denial of our belonging to a vast, flowing interconnectedness. We may be able to accept the idea, but as long as ego is strong and rampant, we are stopped, we are prevented from drinking into this flowing interconnection, because we experience ourselves as being separate, solid and basically alone in this vast world. We experience ourselves as anything but interconnectedness, anything but flowing processes.

If we consider envy, we can easily see how ego (the me/mine) comes into being. On the other hand, if we had real participation in this flowing, universal interconnection, the fact that our friend John has had some success or good fortune would obviously, naturally, be something positive for us as well. There would not be any other option, any other possibility. Mudita (sympathetic joy) would be present; it would not be the object of an arduous practice, but would already be there as our nature, as the most logical and natural thing. We know how things go, however. There is usually me on this side, this one thing here, and another thing on the other side, our friend John—and also a third piece, the good fortune, which adds up to John’s dimension—so he is big and we are small; he is rich and we are poor. So we have aversion for him, aversion for ourselves, and attachment to that thing called ‘good fortune’. This is envy; this is suffering; this is the state of separation; this is ego; it is the deeply unnatural situation of our life, our suffering.

When Zen master Bankei died, an old blind man who used to sit outside the zendo said how sad he was. ‘You see,’ said the blind man, ‘since I am blind I cannot watch people’s faces, so I judge their character by the sound of their voices. And it is this way... 

Full story at Buddhism Now

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A Mindful Reflection

Positive psychology reflection by: ahundredyears

"I was the recipient of a random act of kindness tonight.

As I was grocery shopping, a man came up to me and offered me a $10 off coupon that his wife had saved, but couldn’t use. It expired today.

I was so startled and in such a hurry, that I took the coupon from his outstretched hand, said a quick thanks and hustled along.

Several hours later, I’m still thinking about it. I’m wishing I had taken a few more seconds to really look that man in the eyes and say thank you. Because he didn’t have to do that. He didn’t have to give that coupon away. It was worthless to him. Just a piece of paper. And yet, knowing that it would have value for someone else, he took the time and the effort to find someone who could use it.

Sure, he didn’t walk miles in the snow. He was already at the store and the paper was already in his pocket. But he made a conscious decision to help a stranger, instead of throwing that small slip of paper in the trash.

No, he didn’t have to give that coupon away. But in the process of making that small decision, he made somebody’s day brighter. And today, it was my day.

I feel so often, that time just rushes by, that people are a blur as they race about, eyes on the future, and none of us really take the time to notice or appreciate the moment we’re in. Then, like a spot light, a span of seconds is illuminated. I find my gaze fixated, my attention and my heart unwilling to let go. Time screeches to a halt and a moment becomes infinite. I snap out of the frenzied fast lane and remember that this is the kind of feeling I want to cultivate for the entirety of my life. To allow one moment to be the only thing that’s important, until the next moment arrives.

I don’t need to be in a race to finish something, just to have something as equally urgent take it’s place. My life does not need to be defined by the quantity of experiences, but by the quality. So often I forget this resolution, this life manifesto that I have adopted as my own, because society is constantly telling me I’m wrong for thinking so and brainwashing me back to the party line.

So, every time I get the reminder that it’s worthwhile to take a deep breath and stop trying to break the sound barrier, I am grateful to the catalyst.

I renew my intention to take time, slowly, and enjoy things for what they are in the present. To form connections, however fleeting. To treat each moment, as all the time in the world. To take joy in the little things. And every time I succeed, it is a small triumph. And every time I fail, it is an opportunity to learn from my mistakes and do better next time.

So, thank you again kind man, for the reminder of the goodness of people, the eternity of a moment, the strength of an open heart and open eyes, and the power of a small decision. Also, the coupon was really great."

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The 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge: How To Change Your Life In 10 Days

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I’ve been re-reading one of my favourite books lately, Awaken The Giant Within by Tony Robbins, and I’ve reached the section called The 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge.  In it, Tony Robbins proposes a 10 day challenge based on something that he had learned in pamphlet by Emmet Fox, based on the 7 Day Mental Diet.

The challenge is that for the next 10 days, beginning immediately, commit to taking full control of all your mental and emotional faculties by deciding right now that you will not indulge in or dwell on any unresourceful thoughts or emotions for 10 consecutive days.

It sounds easy, but you might be surprised how often your brain is engaged in unproductive, fearful, worrisome, or destructive thinking.  The goal is to learn how to discipline yourself to be able to change your state and thinking rapidly, without indulging in them.  It’s about developing mastery of your mental and emotional well-being.

Never spend more than 10% of your time on the problem, and spend at least 90% of your time on the solution.

This is something that I’ve done many times before in the past, and it’s made a significant difference in my life.  I realized I had some destructive habits and patterns that were holding me back, such as binge eating, and that certain emotional states or negative thoughts were triggering those destructive habits.  It wasn’t until I committed to taking up the 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge that I was able to learn how to take control of my mind and stay consistent with the habits that I wanted.

There are four simple yet important rules to this 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge:

Rule 1. In the next 10 consecutive days, refuse to dwell on any unresourceful thoughts or feelings. Refuce to indulge in any disempowering questions or devitalizing vocabulary or metaphors.

Rule 2. When you catch yourself beginning to focus on the negative – and you certainly will – you are to immediately snap yourself out of it and change your thinking or state. You can do this by asking an empowering question, such as “What’s great about this?” or “What else could this mean?”. Or you can reframe any negative thoughts that come up, for example, if you catch yourself saying “I suck”, you would replace it with, “I’m awesome!”  There are some powerful techniques that you can use in a blog post I wrote on how to master your emotions. In addition, you can set yourself up for success each morning for the next 10 days by developing a morning ritual to get yourself in a peak emotional state each day.

Rule 3. For the next 10 consecutive days, make certain that your whole focus in life is on solutions and not problems. The minute you see a possible challenge, immediately focus on what the solution could be.

Rule 4. If you backslide – that is, if you catch yourself indulging in or dwelling on an unresourceful thought or feeling – don’t beat yourself up. There’s no problem with this as long as you change immediately. However, if you continue to dwell on unrsourceful thoughts or feelings for more than a minute, you must wait until the following morning to start the ten days over. The goal of this program is 10 consecutive days without holding or dwelling on a negative thought or state. This starting-over process must happen no matter how many days in a row you’ve already accomplished the task.

When I first attempted the 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge it took me several weeks before I was able to go the 10 consecutive days. It was much more difficult than I thought. But once I was able to successfully finish it, it helped me condition myself for a tremendous, lifelong pattern of staying in a positive emotional state, even when there were challenges around me, and focusing the majority of my energy on solutions.

This is since a process that I’ve encouraged my coaching clients to partake in, and it’s made a huge difference for them, especially in helping overcoming destructive habits or addictions.  It’s something that I’m going to be going through again for myself, as I want to make sure I’m applying everything I learn in the book Awaken The Giant Within.

If you take on this 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge, it will do four things for you:

1. It will make you acutely aware of all the habitual mental and emotional patterns that are holding you back.
2. It will make your brain search for empowering alternatives to them.
3. It will give you an incredible sense of confidence as you can see that you can turn your life around in an instant.
4. Most importantly, it will create new habits, new standards, and new expectations that will help you expand more than you could ever believe.

Here’s a word of caution:Don’t begin this 1o day commitment unless and until you are certain that you are going to live by it for the full length of time. If you aren’t committed to this, then you won’t last the 10 days. This is not for the weak of heart. This is only for those who are fully committed to conditioning their nervous systems for new, empowering emotional patterns that can take their lives to the next level.

by STEFAN 

Are you going to do it?  Think about it carefully, because once you commit, there’s no going back.

The truth is, you already know and have amazing tools on how to change yourself, your thoughts, and your emotional state. This is my challenge to you to start using them.  It’s time to put in practice what you’ve learned.

The best way to stay accountable to this is to commit to a friend or family member that you’re going to do this 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge. Post a comment below to make your commitment public. This will help make you stay accountable and show your level of commitment to complete it.

For anyone that is reading this, I commit to completing the 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge!

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Relationship Stability

People often equate relationship stability with relationship quality, but they overlook the fact that plenty of people are very unhappy despite the stability of their relationship. Reasons why people unhappy with their relationship may nevertheless stay in the relationship include:

• First, the more one has invested in a relationship, the less likely one is to leave that relationship. Investments include such things as joint memories, financial investments, friends, possessions, and children.
• Second, the poorer one’s alternatives to a relationship, including the alternative of being on one’s own, the less likely one is to leave the relationship. A woman might stay in an abusive relationship if she perceives her alternatives to be worse, including the option of being alone with no job skills and no financial resources.
• Finally, personal and social prescriptives against leaving relationships can keep a person within a relationship in which satisfaction is low. A person may have a quite miserable relationship with his or her child yet stay due to very strong personal and societal beliefs that one should never abandon one’s child.

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--Effie's Psych

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