I would like to consider the words of Buddhadhassa Bhikkhu when he said that many people suffer mental disorders, but a much more common disease is a spiritual disease which goes by the name of ‘me’ or ‘mine’. Most of us, it seems, need to work to be healed from this illness.
What is it, then, that we usually refer to in this way? What is it that we call ‘ego’, ‘me’, or ‘mine’? Ego is the totality of what is classically called ‘afflictions’, the afflictions being attachment, aversion, and ignorance; ego is our deep habit for attachment, aversion and ignorance. In other words, ego is being attached to attachment, being attached to aversion, being attached to ignorance. Unless we taste real peace, we tend to be attached to desire. We see desire as having a value in itself, something energetic, as something which can for a while take us from our boredom and depression, etc.
Unless we taste some inner stability which gives us a little more clarity and perspective, we are easily attached to our several forms of aversion. We think we don’t care about the many resentments we have against other people, or against ourselves, and then we go into retreat and start seeing a mass of aversion. The most important thing we begin to see, however, is not the aversion itself, but that we are holding onto it as though it were a treasure and we are afraid of letting this treasure go; we are afraid that if we lose this important thing, if we start letting go of this resentment or aversion, then we shall lose our identity.
Sometimes when we hear the words ‘let go’ we think that means letting go of something fascinating. That is true to a certain extent, but much of what is meant by ‘letting go’ is related to what is painful. Out of a deep habit, we are attached to many forms of aversion, which is to say, we are attached to many forms of suffering, and we hold onto them. We are also attached to ignorance. We may know, for example, that being recollected, being mindful, is a good thing; we know we have never regretted being mindful, and yet we choose to drift along with a total lack of mindfulness. Isn’t that attachment to ignorance? Isn’t that yielding to the momentum of unawareness and to its power and strength?
We tend to conceive of ego, not as a necessary convention, but as a solid entity which is separate, which has an intrinsic existence independent of anything else. We also impute this same solidity and separateness onto everything else, onto people and events. Ego, then, is conceived as something solid, but ego is also the activity of incessantly solidifying events, people, and everything. We could say that ego is a radical denial of our belonging to a vast, flowing interconnectedness. We may be able to accept the idea, but as long as ego is strong and rampant, we are stopped, we are prevented from drinking into this flowing interconnection, because we experience ourselves as being separate, solid and basically alone in this vast world. We experience ourselves as anything but interconnectedness, anything but flowing processes.
If we consider envy, we can easily see how ego (the me/mine) comes into being. On the other hand, if we had real participation in this flowing, universal interconnection, the fact that our friend John has had some success or good fortune would obviously, naturally, be something positive for us as well. There would not be any other option, any other possibility. Mudita (sympathetic joy) would be present; it would not be the object of an arduous practice, but would already be there as our nature, as the most logical and natural thing. We know how things go, however. There is usually me on this side, this one thing here, and another thing on the other side, our friend John—and also a third piece, the good fortune, which adds up to John’s dimension—so he is big and we are small; he is rich and we are poor. So we have aversion for him, aversion for ourselves, and attachment to that thing called ‘good fortune’. This is envy; this is suffering; this is the state of separation; this is ego; it is the deeply unnatural situation of our life, our suffering.
When Zen master Bankei died, an old blind man who used to sit outside the zendo said how sad he was. ‘You see,’ said the blind man, ‘since I am blind I cannot watch people’s faces, so I judge their character by the sound of their voices. And it is this way...
"I was the recipient of a random act of kindness tonight.
As I was grocery shopping, a man came up to me and offered me a $10 off coupon that his wife had saved, but couldn’t use. It expired today.
I was so startled and in such a hurry, that I took the coupon from his outstretched hand, said a quick thanks and hustled along.
Several hours later, I’m still thinking about it. I’m wishing I had taken a few more seconds to really look that man in the eyes and say thank you. Because he didn’t have to do that. He didn’t have to give that coupon away. It was worthless to him. Just a piece of paper. And yet, knowing that it would have value for someone else, he took the time and the effort to find someone who could use it.
Sure, he didn’t walk miles in the snow. He was already at the store and the paper was already in his pocket. But he made a conscious decision to help a stranger, instead of throwing that small slip of paper in the trash.
No, he didn’t have to give that coupon away. But in the process of making that small decision, he made somebody’s day brighter. And today, it was my day.
I feel so often, that time just rushes by, that people are a blur as they race about, eyes on the future, and none of us really take the time to notice or appreciate the moment we’re in. Then, like a spot light, a span of seconds is illuminated. I find my gaze fixated, my attention and my heart unwilling to let go. Time screeches to a halt and a moment becomes infinite. I snap out of the frenzied fast lane and remember that this is the kind of feeling I want to cultivate for the entirety of my life. To allow one moment to be the only thing that’s important, until the next moment arrives.
I don’t need to be in a race to finish something, just to have something as equally urgent take it’s place. My life does not need to be defined by the quantity of experiences, but by the quality. So often I forget this resolution, this life manifesto that I have adopted as my own, because society is constantly telling me I’m wrong for thinking so and brainwashing me back to the party line.
So, every time I get the reminder that it’s worthwhile to take a deep breath and stop trying to break the sound barrier, I am grateful to the catalyst.
I renew my intention to take time, slowly, and enjoy things for what they are in the present. To form connections, however fleeting. To treat each moment, as all the time in the world. To take joy in the little things. And every time I succeed, it is a small triumph. And every time I fail, it is an opportunity to learn from my mistakes and do better next time.
So, thank you again kind man, for the reminder of the goodness of people, the eternity of a moment, the strength of an open heart and open eyes, and the power of a small decision. Also, the coupon was really great."
For psychologists who frequently fly cross-country, how we describe our career to seatmates—mentioning for example, that we are psychologists—determines whether we get five hours of airborne intrigue or inside access to a decaying marriage or more detail than you can imagine about an inability to resist maple-glazed Krispy Kremes. Even wearing oversized headphones often fails to dissuade the passenger hell-bent on telling her story of childhood abandonment (which is why it is handy for research psychologists to simply say we study " judgments"). For those of us who risk the truth and admit that we study happiness, there's one practically guaranteed response: What can I do to be happy?
The secret of happiness is a concern of growing importance in the modern era, as increased financial security has given many the time to focus on self-growth. No longer hunter-gatherers concerned with where to find the next kill, we worry instead about how to live our best lives. Happiness books have become a cottage industry; personal-development trainings are a bigger business than ever.
The pursuit of happiness is not uniquely American either—in a study of more than 10,000 participants from 48 countries, psychologists Ed Diener of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and Shigehiro Oishi of the University of Virginia discovered that people from every corner of the globe rated happiness as being more important than other highly desirable personal outcomes, such as having meaning in life, becoming rich, and getting into heaven.
I’ve been re-reading one of my favourite books lately, Awaken The Giant Within by Tony Robbins, and I’ve reached the section called The 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge. In it, Tony Robbins proposes a 10 day challenge based on something that he had learned in pamphlet by Emmet Fox, based on the 7 Day Mental Diet.
The challenge is that for the next 10 days, beginning immediately, commit to taking full control of all your mental and emotional faculties by deciding right now that you will not indulge in or dwell on any unresourceful thoughts or emotions for 10 consecutive days.
It sounds easy, but you might be surprised how often your brain is engaged in unproductive, fearful, worrisome, or destructive thinking. The goal is to learn how to discipline yourself to be able to change your state and thinking rapidly, without indulging in them. It’s about developing mastery of your mental and emotional well-being.
Never spend more than 10% of your time on the problem, and spend at least 90% of your time on the solution.
This is something that I’ve done many times before in the past, and it’s made a significant difference in my life. I realized I had some destructive habits and patterns that were holding me back, such as binge eating, and that certain emotional states or negative thoughts were triggering those destructive habits. It wasn’t until I committed to taking up the 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge that I was able to learn how to take control of my mind and stay consistent with the habits that I wanted.
There are four simple yet important rules to this 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge:
Rule 1. In the next 10 consecutive days, refuse to dwell on any unresourceful thoughts or feelings. Refuce to indulge in any disempowering questions or devitalizing vocabulary or metaphors.
Rule 2. When you catch yourself beginning to focus on the negative – and you certainly will – you are to immediately snap yourself out of it and change your thinking or state. You can do this by asking an empowering question, such as “What’s great about this?” or “What else could this mean?”. Or you can reframe any negative thoughts that come up, for example, if you catch yourself saying “I suck”, you would replace it with, “I’m awesome!” There are some powerful techniques that you can use in a blog post I wrote on how to master your emotions. In addition, you can set yourself up for success each morning for the next 10 days by developing a morning ritual to get yourself in a peak emotional state each day.
Rule 3. For the next 10 consecutive days, make certain that your whole focus in life is on solutions and not problems. The minute you see a possible challenge, immediately focus on what the solution could be.
Rule 4. If you backslide – that is, if you catch yourself indulging in or dwelling on an unresourceful thought or feeling – don’t beat yourself up. There’s no problem with this as long as you change immediately. However, if you continue to dwell on unrsourceful thoughts or feelings for more than a minute, you must wait until the following morning to start the ten days over. The goal of this program is 10 consecutive days without holding or dwelling on a negative thought or state. This starting-over process must happen no matter how many days in a row you’ve already accomplished the task.
When I first attempted the 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge it took me several weeks before I was able to go the 10 consecutive days. It was much more difficult than I thought. But once I was able to successfully finish it, it helped me condition myself for a tremendous, lifelong pattern of staying in a positive emotional state, even when there were challenges around me, and focusing the majority of my energy on solutions.
This is since a process that I’ve encouraged my coaching clients to partake in, and it’s made a huge difference for them, especially in helping overcoming destructive habits or addictions. It’s something that I’m going to be going through again for myself, as I want to make sure I’m applying everything I learn in the book Awaken The Giant Within.
If you take on this 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge, it will do four things for you:
It will make you acutely aware of all the habitual mental and emotional patterns that are holding you back.
It will make your brain search for empowering alternatives to them.
It will give you an incredible sense of confidence as you can see that you can turn your life around in an instant.
Most importantly, it will create new habits, new standards, and new expectations that will help you expand more than you could ever believe.
Here’s a word of caution:Don’t begin this 1o day commitment unless and until you are certain that you are going to live by it for the full length of time. If you aren’t committed to this, then you won’t last the 10 days. This is not for the weak of heart. This is only for those who are fully committed to conditioning their nervous systems for new, empowering emotional patterns that can take their lives to the next level.
Are you going to do it? Think about it carefully, because once you commit, there’s no going back.
The truth is, you already know and have amazing tools on how to change yourself, your thoughts, and your emotional state. This is my challenge to you to start using them. It’s time to put in practice what you’ve learned.
The best way to stay accountable to this is to commit to a friend or family member that you’re going to do this 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge. Post a comment below to make your commitment public. This will help make you stay accountable and show your level of commitment to complete it.
For anyone that is reading this, I commit to completing the 10 Day Mental Diet Challenge!
“We live in a time when everyone is too caught up in the preoccupations of everyday life, and we do not have enough time to live in suchness, with mindfulness. We do not take the time to touch things in depth, to discover the true nature of life.”
People often equate relationship stability with relationship quality, but they overlook the fact that plenty of people are very unhappy despite the stability of their relationship. Reasons why people unhappy with their relationship may nevertheless stay in the relationship include:
First, the more one has invested in a relationship, the less likely one is to leave that relationship. Investments include such things as joint memories, financial investments, friends, possessions, and children.
Second, the poorer one’s alternatives to a relationship, including the alternative of being on one’s own, the less likely one is to leave the relationship. A woman might stay in an abusive relationship if she perceives her alternatives to be worse, including the option of being alone with no job skills and no financial resources.
Finally, personal and social prescriptives against leaving relationships can keep a person within a relationship in which satisfaction is low. A person may have a quite miserable relationship with his or her child yet stay due to very strong personal and societal beliefs that one should never abandon one’s child.
Forbes Originally published June 24, 2013 Mark Twain famously said, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” However, the benefit of a guilt-free conscious and a crystal-clear mind appears not to be a strong enough incentive to deter lying, especially in the workplace. The pandemic of lying does not just refer to high-profile cases, such as Bill Clinton’s affair, Lance Armstrong’s denial of doping, and Bernie Madoff’s financial deceit. Workplace lying is a far more widespread issue and it is taking place in offices around the world. There is a steady undercurrent of dishonesty, “white lies,” cheating, and bending the rules, and it’s time we pull the rug out and expose three simple truths about lying. 1) You lie at work—so does everyone else. Most of us are willing to confess to it. According to a survey by psychotherapist and consultant Dr. Brad Blanton, 93% of respondents out of forty thousand Americans admitted to lying “regularly and habitually in the workplace.” Personally, I believe the other 7% are lying to themselves—and they probably believe it! The entire story is here.
Put aside this annoying business of counting nutritional calories for a moment and ask yourself: what else am I getting out of this eating moment? How is my Mind being enriched?
A Nutritional Calorie is a unit of energy. The job of a Nutritional Calorie is to fuel your Body. An Experiential Calorie – to coin a term — is a unit of awareness, a unit of conscious presence, a unit of meaning. The job of an Experiential Calorie is to enrich your Mind. Take a moment to count the latter…
What are the Meditational Calories of this moment? Indeed, as you eat, pause to consider the interdependence of people, places and events that converged into one seamless process in time to finally reach your lips. Of course, the Sun didn’t shine for you and the grapes didn’t grow for you and the farmer didn’t collect the grapes for you and the canner didn’t can the grape jelly for you in particular… And yet, somehow, as you are spreading grape jelly on your toast, you are now the beneficiary of this endless process of transmutation. Or, as you focus on the automaticity of your hand-to-mouth motions, on this smooth machinery of your habits, perhaps, you will awaken the eating zombie for just a moment, to both marvel and fear this ease of mindlessness with which our lives run. Or, perhaps, as you watch this food and this moment come and go, you will consider the impermanence and transience of things, and of yourself.
What are the Spiritual and Ethical Calories of this moment? How am I expressing my life values in this moment? Are my eating choices an accurate reflection of what I stand for — ethically and spiritually? Is my eating kind? Is my eating graceful? Is my eating meaningful? Is my eating grateful?
What are the Aesthetic and Hedonic Calories of this moment? Am I enjoying this eating moment, this moment of living? Am I allowing myself to notice the humble, unpretentious beauty of what I am about to eat? Am I sensing, tasting, savoring or just shoveling that which a moment ago I so carefully and meticulously selected off the lunch menu? Am I noticing the dynamic art of food, the poly-sensory drama of the flavor as the taste and the aroma and the texture come into one experiential focus?
What are the Existential Calories of this moment? Am I… here? Am I… present? Am I… consciously present to feel that I am alive? What is this “I” that is eating? What is this “I” that is pondering its existence? Will I remember myself having this moment or will it go unnoticed?
What are the Social Calories of this moment? Who am I with and why? Am I eating because they are hungry? Are they eating because I am hungry? Are we eating because we are hungry for food or because we are hungry for connection? Or are we just — randomly — in this moment with the food in front of us — perhaps — being the only common social denominator?
Just ask yourself.
Pavel Somov, Ph.D. is the author of Eating the Moment: 141 Mindful Practices to Overcome Overeating One Moment at a Time (New Harbinger, 2008)
Everyone can shed weight should they determine what they ought to do. This post contains lots of remarkably helpful fat loss advice that may help you in this challenging approach. Shedding weight might be annoying and tough from time to time, but if one makes a decision it is possible.
Reducing your day-to-day calorie intake will likely be an effective when trying to lose weight. Try out decreasing the energy by 500.
A single great way to lose excess weight is simply by signing up for a corporation including Jenny Craig or perhaps a related class. They may have encouraging employees and several assets open to you.When you can pay the extra money, becoming a member of these sorts of businesses can really help with the weight reduction objectives.
You achieve the best fat loss effects once you comprehend everything that works for your whole body sort and way of living. If you’re an early riser, you must get up a little previous so that you can exercise routine each day. Those who sense most robust in the later on work out schedule. If you abhor getting out of bed each morning, then don’t prepare day workout routines.
An incredible hint to reduce weight is in order to associate with others who reside a lively individuals. Somebody that is really a couch could possibly have the alternative impact.
If you reduce your foods consumption and raise the amount of drinking water to up to a one half gallon each day, you start to lose h2o weight. You may possibly not shed any body weight from body fat, however your range shows a simple decrease of a few pounds which can keep you motivated to keep on your own weight loss plan.
Try to lose about 1 lb each week. Losing more than per week is definitely not useful to you. Dropping a lot of body weight too rapidly can be quite a quickly way could endanger your state of health and additionally there is a greater chance you will gain it back.
These tips are common associated because they will allow you to reach your excess fat-damage targets. Fat loss will not need 1 extremely-secret answer you will find lots of very little methods for you to lessen your weight. Attempt some of the ideas here to begin with your unwanted weight decrease journey. green coffee bean Lots of people want to alter inadequate nutritional routines, but handful of can even make greater food choices that enhance their nutrients. The following advice can give you discover how to make excellent healthful having choices.
Try to eat about 600 to 900mg of garlic clove per day for optimum health and fitness benefits. Garlic cloves is useful to your probability of cardiovascular disease and blood pressure. Garlic herb another organic contra–yeast and anti-bacterial results to help your internal organs. Include some more garlic cloves or ingredients to the diet daily.
Try preparing your personal lunch or dinner for work or college meals.It only takes about 10 mins or so to have a handful of foods well prepared.
Ladies who are expecting a baby ought to be very conscious of nutrients. One method to make certain those health proteins demands are accomplished is usually to combine egg cell bright white within a dish. Egg whites have a very good volume of proteins and other nutrients.You need to consume pasteurized eggs to make sure you are expecting a baby.
You should drink water daily. Enjoying milk or juice can certainly make them much less eager after it is mealtime.
Attempt eating some thing just before Thanksgiving holiday dish. You will likely to over-enjoy if you commence having when planning to Thanksgiving holiday meal using a tummy which can be empty. Eating something healthful ahead of time will allow you to top off more quickly and avoid eating too much.
For any healthful, healthier snack, try out building a puree of fruits, pears, fruits or pears. This provides you with a good sweet spread could also be used to drop pretzels or pita chips.You can attempt any fresh fruit you would like and alter it regularly which means you won’t be bored to tears of those an alternative many fruits to provide assortment.
For those who have sleep at night issues, you could possibly improve your rest by eating much healthier. Some food items chill you, other foods might increase your levels of energy. Also, it is a great idea to give your body a break after consuming just ahead of likely to mattress.
You don’t must be over a tough diet program to get nutrients in your life. Good nutrients means taking note of what is put into a person’s entire body, such as normal water, natural vitamins, vitamins and, needless to say, ample power. As mentioned before, everyone is made in different ways, and everyone needs a unique eating prepare. Continue to, if you’d prefer to enhance your overall level of wellness, focusing on the guidelines presented over might be a wise relocate by you.
While there are many reasons you may not already be talking to a friend about your stressors, whether they are embarrassing, work-related, especially personal, or you don't have a friend you think is interested, realizing how helpful this can be may outweigh those reasons for not sharing. Risking getting bad advice from an uncaring friend is even worth it when simply giving an overview of your situation out-loud can help you organize the information and gain perspective. Maybe when you consider talking to a friend about your problems you think "This isn't important enough to complain about." Perhaps that's true: and realizing this will no doubt reduce your stress. A friend may not be very validating if they say "what are you so worried about?", but they can help you gain perspective. More serious or private problems work the same way with a therapist. 3. Avoid Stressful Situations If you know that certain events, people or places normally cause you stress, do your best to avoid them if possible. If you can not completely avoid being in the situation that causes stress, one way to keep stress minimal is to take breaks as needed. Find some quiet time at home or during a break at work can be just what you need to refuel and be ready to face the situation again. 2. Breathe Deeply Breathing with your diaphragm (moving your stomach in and out instead of moving your shoulders up and down) will not only relax you psychologically and let your brain know you are in a safe place, but it will lower your heart rate, open your blood vessels, and actually be good for your overall health- instead of reducing stress and just not being detrimental to your health. 1. Don't Ignore It Your body will tell you when you are stressed. Everyone responds to stress uniquely: some people get sick when their stress level increases. Other easily agitated or angry. You already know your own body's signs that you are stressed on some level; get to know your own signs of being pushed too far stress-wise and then PAY ATTENTION. Instead of ignoring these signs, watch them and take decisive action to eliminate stress from your life.
Your biological clock is very important for general well-being. This means that choosing the right time for meals is imperative depending on periods of activity throughout the day.
This is very simple:
Within an hour of waking up, eat a breakfast heavy in protein. The number of carbs depends on how much energy you will need: NO exercise? Go light on the carbs.
Within 4-6 hours have lunch
At least 5 hours after that, have dinner
2. Eat SLOWLY
The first step is to begin eating at the right time for your body, but the next is eat slowly enough. Overeating is the #1 reason you can't lose weight, and eating too fast is the #1 reason you overeat. Give your stomach 20 minutes to tell you you're full.
If you think you're too busy to eat slowly, you are probably just using that as an easy excuse. But once in a while you really will be in a rush. In this case, it is important to remember that you will not feel full for 20 minutes, so think critically about what amount of food you should really be eating. Take this modest portion and then STOP. If you're so busy, you'll be glad to take less time eating.
3. Snack Smart
Snacks can easily fade from memory and skew your view of how much you have eaten. Sugar, salt and carb cravings can be tackled with replacements and gradual reduction of consumption. However, the best way to go is cold-turkey. Find snacks like carrot chips or pre-prepared (by YOU, of course) salads or soups you can keep in your fridge that are guilt-free and can satisfy you texturally with a good crunch.